DOOMSDAY!!!!

Everyone…Doomsday is upon us! The red button will be pressed by darkphoneixv1 to unleash horrible, horrible terror. Well, his red button at least and his version of terror. This bidder says that if we do not pay attention to the bid or if it does not get enough money, then we will all be in a very bad situation…all at the push of his little red button. This kind of sounds like a bad Austin Powers movie except the person holding the world at ransom isn’t Dr. Evil, just some idiot in his mom’s basement.

Also on eBay, a newspaper proclaiming Hitler’s Death. “Hitler Slain” is reads in big, bold letter. This is a pretty cool antique for such a momentous day. And hey it’s only about $40 so far. Also being sold is a Woodstock paper and a Kentucky Derby Triple Crown paper. Neat stuff.

Now back to the idiots. A “S” shaped pork rind. I don’t know what it is. I don’t really want to know. It looks and sounds discussing. I don’t even really want to know how they got it. I just hope that no one buys it.

Ahh and yes…to end the day. Bob the cork. Not just any ordinary cork. He is Bob, and he is a cork. It is as dumb as it sounds. He’s just a simple cork, with a face drawn on it. Who knows he might turn out to be a good friend if you are lonely? You could even drink your sorrows away with him!

Got 9 mill?

Do you have $8,900,000? This is the most expensive thing I could find on eBay. And it actually is not an item. It is a 292 acre, geo-thermal Development property. Complete with 3 hot springs, 2 cold springs, a hotel, motel, 15 outdoor hot tubs, RV Park, and 16 parcel subdivision! I wonder if this is a scam? Only because I probably wouldn’t want to bet my 9 million dollars on the chance that this actually isn’t a real property and just someone’s wallet.

Also on eBay, a “Trackless Train Amusement Ride”. Literally a big toy train that you would see at an amusement park, sitting in someone’s yard. Sounds like a steal for only $5,000….

I think the next item is the greatest thing I have seen on eBay yet. Some wiley devil is selling U.S. Citizenship. They claim to be a 2 time cancer survivor and need to pay off bills. How you ask? They simply win the auction, and then the person will simply marry them! Sounds like someone might have finally outsmarted Uncle Sam.

A Biscuit?!?!

This week on eBay we have some pretty creative items. One of which is an empty bottle of lotion. Yes, regular skin lotion. Just not the lotion…only the bottle. Sounds kind of weird but o.k. This is particularly amusing because it follows along the same lines of the paper airplane mentioned earlier in the blog.

Also or sale is a “special cologne”. It is supposed to attract women no matter who they are. It is obviously another scam but it is funny how people would be desperate enough to buy “Whole Sale Sex Love Pheromone”.

A box of Domino Sugar is also for sale. It’s for $36…that’s a little much for just a box of sugar. I find it curious how the seller says that you get the box of sugar…and then everything else you get is a “gift” from him to you. It sounds like to me that if you will this auction, then you are certainly getting something extra; especially with the suggestive picture of a woman’s lips with sugar on them. I would be interested to see what else actually would come with the auction.

The next item makes my top ten list of totally insane, absolutely stupid things to buy on eBay. A biscuit! Yes, a warm flaky leftover Thanksgiving Day biscuit. It is just a normal, everyday biscuit that anyone could bake. But surprisingly, there have been 22 bids for this piece of bread. It is being sold for $80.90!! People are actually trying to buy this thing!! What would you do with a biscuit? It’s a complete waste of money! What is the world coming to?

Viva La Relativity!

Want a tree leaf? Buy it on eBay. How about a “Kinder Goth”? More specifically a variation of a Cabbage Patch Kid, except turned Goth. The blood, black and white, “spade eyes”, its got everything. It's legitimately scary and is a really bad birthday present. But who knows, maybe a kid out there would like it.

Have you ever wanted to go even more Gothic than a kid’s doll? There is more than enough options to get styling! There is the leather/latex mask that is worn with zippers over the eyes and mouth. Then there is the ever popular cats-of-nine whip with the metal ends! What about the male shoulder and arm restraints? Maybe a leather restraining swing to put out in the front yard for the kids to play on? Sounds like fun to me…

One thing I found that I thought was pretty funny is a remote for the opposite sex. For example, the remote for women includes, “Mute, Give me: Beer and food, cook, clean, and stop: nagging, moaning and whining”. Some of the controls for men are: “Ego off, flowers, chocolate, massage, say no, say yes, propose, tell truth, put toilet seat down, and stop: snoring, farting and belching”.

Something I have never seen before that I also found is a “switch blade comb”. It is literally a switchblade style handle with a metal comb for your hair that flips up and is ready for use anywhere at anytime. It actually sounds kind of dangerous. I could totally see is in a remake of “Grease” the movie one day.

“Viva La Relativity!” as a Che Einstein would say. Einstein has actually been put in place of Che Guevara in this novelty poster. I thought this was pretty funny and note worthy of a last item on this weeks list.

Max...the Heroic Poodle

A dog has been mans best friend since the beginning of time. They serve and protect us when we need them the most. Just as our good friend, Thymewarp, shares his flowery dog story. In short, his poodle, Max, saved his life one winter when he was a small child when he fell and broke his leg deep in the woods. He told Max to “Go get Dad” and soon enough, he was back in the comfort of his home with a cast.

We soon find out that his story is a complete lie. He claims that it is just that easy to make up sympathetic dog stories like his own. Thymewarp is selling a portrait of a poodle for ten dollars to anyone willing to pay. He also says that if the auction reaches $35, then he will include a box of fake “dog ashes” to compliment this pitiful portrait.

This is a pretty worthless item. I see no reason for a portrait of a poodle that is not even my own dog. An interesting concept...

We also have yet, another creative item for sale on eBay this week. This is a Coughing and Screaming Lung Ash Tray. The ash tray is in the shape of a chest with lungs and works supposedly works as another way to quit smoking. This is a pretty unique item because I have never seen it anywhere else. It is actually kind of gross because of the open lung concept and the screaming. I guess that sounds good to quit smoking though.

Who’s ever played hot potato with a hacky sack, tennis ball, or maybe a hot…potato? What about a shock ball? Apparently, a new fad is to play this childhood game with a ball like device that actually shocks you. I guess you just pass the ball around and at a certain point in the game; it turns on and delivers a slight shock to the hands of the unfortunate person. Somehow, this does not sound very fun.

Ghost for Sale!

Have you ever wanted your very own ghost? I haven’t, but I know someone out there defiantly does. Now you can buy your very own ghost in a bottle, so it is completely safe. A man claims that he captured this dangerous ghost in one of the most haunted castles in all of England! I suppose this man has actually done us a great service by his fearless pursuit and capture of this ghost. The buyer is obviously so worried about a person releasing it back into society from its glass cage that he writes:

“!!!!WARNING!!!!

WINNING BIDDER AVOID OPENING AT ALL COSTS!!!

THE GHOST WILL ESCAPE!!!”

I guess that he can’t say that he didn’t warn you when you simply open up the bottle and release…air…back into the environment…

The same seller is also trying to put one-million ants up for adoption. So far, his campaign has only yielded 27 ant adoptions. He says there is a very bad ant colony living under his garden at his house in England. So the only way he knows how to get rid of them is to put the ants up for adoption at $2.00 a head. Good luck you sir trying to sell one-million ants.

Also on this weeks list of weird eBay items is an “Afterlife Messenger Service”. Starting at $6.99, a person can use this service to deliver a message, email, or note to anyone after you have died. They simply look through over 400 U.S., Canadian and U.K. obituaries to see if you died. Sounds like a horrible job, but a really good service if you need to send hate mail or a love note to someone you were always to afraid to when you were living.

What do you do with 15,000 Baseball Cards?

Breaking news! An eBay seller claims that a “privately owned” satellite has just sent back radio signals confirming the newest planet that has been discovered. This seller has named this promising planet, “Jambnit”! Starting for 99 cents anyone can buy property on this life sustaining planet so that one day, you may actually be able to do something on it.

Previous to starting this blog, I was unaware to how dumb/gullible/ignorant some people are. I was fairly confident that people had common sense and wouldn’t want to waste their money on such things as a….fake planet. Almost all of the items I have shared with you have had at least one bidder. And yet again, someone wants to buy a piece of “Jambnit”. I wonder how much money could go to a charity or people in need from all of worthless stuff on eBay? Just a thought.

Now that I have expressed my extreme lack of confidence in the human race, I will drift away from the totally weird stuff and move into the broader spectrum of the eBay world. Perhaps some items that have value rather than worthlessness.

I was looking around the site and came to the section on funerals, and surprisingly there are cemetery plots and caskets for sale. To me, this is a little weird. The concept of selling the place where you will lie for the rest of eternity on eBay has a fundamental flaw. I suppose someone might want to buy a casket or a place to be buried on-the-cheap, but I still think it is really odd.

The next thing that came up was 15,000 baseball cards in a wholesale section. I never saw the point of collecting baseball cards but apparently some people dedicate a good portion of their life and income to doing so. I mean seriously, what you do with fifteen-thousand baseball cards? I can’t even imagine having the time to flip through all of them! Then on top of that, having the time or energy to value, cherish, (possibly) love or play with them or what ever someone would do with them!

I do have to say though, if I had the time like someone must have to collect them, I wouldn’t spend it on buying, selling or trading. I think it would be pretty awesome to build a card castle with 15,000 baseball cards. Leave a comment with what you would do with them!